Health Photos
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Millions of men, regardless of age, relationship or orientation suffer from sexual performance anxiety. The condition occurs when a man anticipates some form of problem occurring during the sexual act. As a result of which, the man becomes anxious and this results into problems with erections, premature and delayed ejaculation or a lack of desire to have sex.
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Although performance anxiety can also occur with women, it is less understood and less common. It is called anorgasmia or the inability to have an orgasm. Sometimes, it is called vaginismus or the inability to relax the muscles of the vagina.
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A man's anxiety about his sexual performance can be deep routed. Many sex therapists believe that a man's anxiety about sex is related to his underlying fears and insecurities. Frequently, many of these feelings have never been verbalised.
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Anxiety about sex can take many forms. Some men have fears about being rejected, disappointing a partner or becoming embarrassed about the quality of an erection. Other men have fears regarding their reputation or anxieties related to their masculinity or sexual orientation. In this area, feeling inadequate can be especially painful. Performance anxiety hits a man in his most vulnerable and insecure areas. It's different for each man.
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Performance anxiety is a common situation for most men at different times in their life. Changing how a person thinks and learning to forget about the quality of the sexual act is certainly easier said than done. The key to overcoming this problem however is in being completely honest with yourself. This mean really convincing yourself deep down inside that it is ok if your erection and performance are not perfect.
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Medicines like Sildenafil citrate is very effective for many men. Often, they are extremely helpful in restoring a man's confidence as well. They allow him to worry less about his erections and to focus on other areas of the sexual act. Sometimes however, even these medications don't completely remove the anxiety and a man's fears regarding his performance.
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What is important during sex are the sensations that the couple experience; the ways they learn to pleasure each other; the sexual fantasies and the feelings of each becoming aroused. If a couple has difficulty not thinking about the mechanics of sex, the therapist might suggest that they keep their clothes on or wear their underwear for the first few times. Then, it really doesn't matter if the man's achieves an erection or not. Without the pressure, hopefully the man can begin to relax.
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When the couple feels relaxed in this situation, the next step might be for them to communicate, caress and touch without clothes. The focus, however, is always on the pleasure and the enjoyment without worrying about the erection or his performance. Sex should not be a job that needs to be done. It can be a positive and pleasurable experience.
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Men who experience performance anxiety tend to perceive sex as an 'obligation' or a 'job' that needs to be accomplished. Performance anxiety diminishes sexual drive. As a result, men with performance anxiety often avoid sexual activity. For these men, sex is no longer fun and enjoyable because they have lost sight of the pleasures involved in sexual contact. Sex is best when you can shut the mind off and stop thinking.
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In summary, many men with sexual difficulties tend to over-think about their performance rather than staying in the moment and enjoying the sexual sensations and feelings. The instant you begin to think about performance, you become an observer rather than a participant. At that time, the body's warning system becomes activated and sexual arousal becomes diminished.
