Should I be with a man who has a low opinion of me?
Q: I am involved with a married man. He doesn't like his wife and was in the process of divorcing her when we met. Now, after his divorce, he wants to marry a girl with a clean past. Reason being that I have had 2 relationships in the past. He says that I should pose as his wife but will not be a part of his family. He will meet my parents like a son-in-law, yet he will have a separate life also. The girl he will marry will stay with his parents. He will not visit them frequently. The equation is like: he will be with me for 6-7 months and rest with her. He doesn't want to marry me as I have had 2 broken relationships. He himself is divorced, but he wants to marry a clean girl. I am 29 years old and not very good looking. I do have a reasonably good career. The reason that I want to be with him is that I am very old and there is no scope for me to get a good guy now, owing to the Indian men fixation with virginity. This is the best deal I can get for a secured future. I will not have to undergo the hassle of dealing with in-laws. But ofcourse, I will have children. Please advise. I am not too sure if I will find another relationship in future. I am unsure about how life will be in the later years. This is the only reason that I considering this option. I am aware that no girl would consider this kind of a ridiculous offer. But I have no other option.
A:You seem to have assessed the situation quite well. And I understand your fear of ending up alone but there seems to be no surety in this relationship either. Unless you get out of this relationship your chances of meeting someone who can appreciate you are few. Your definition of a good guy needs some reassessment and rethinking, specially if you think that even suggesting such a situation makes this man you are involved with a good guy. He seems to have little value for you and an extremely low opinion of you, which could have appeared because of your low opinion of yourself. Under these circumstances and conditions, is it a relationship you can count on or is it a big compromise that you will eventually regret? Its probably the worst thing for your children as well, because the security provided by a stable relationship between parents will be missing and may cause numerous psychological complications. Please have more faith in yourself and you should realize that relationships are based on equality in decision making and respect for one another and not hypocrisy.