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Please help me get my sister back!

Q: We are two sisters from a middle class family. I am younger and my sister is 2.5 years elder. Though we are a very close knit family, I was never close to my parents as she was. She was the only one in the whole world that I loved the most. We have been apart for three years. She went to the USA and I too followed her. My sister has a boyfriend. We are Bengali but her boyfriend is a Gujarati. My parents didn't want the relationship, as the guy is one year younger to her but I was the one to support her. I was so happy for her and liked him too. Last year before coming over here, she called us and told us that the guy had been going out with another girl on campus. She was crying a lot. I started hating the guy. I too was also going through an emotional crisis since I too was breaking up with my boyfriend. My sister was ready to give the guy another chance if he wanted it. I saw he did. I again tried to befriend him. He is girly, not the type of guy I would think my sister would go out with. I don't really like him too much, but for my sisters sake I keep up with it. He is never happy if something good happens to me or my sister. He acts selfish. He is a good student, me too. Now my sister believes that he is a superhuman. He is wealthier than us and though he may not say it directly, but I can see him mocking my parents, whom I respect. It is amazing that my sister doesn't see through it! They always fight and end up sulking and she will then go around coaxing him. Though it makes me feel sick but I try to take that as a part of their relationship. He indulges her for all the wrong reasons. My parents too wrote to her, asking her to let the guy go because like me, and everyone around us in the university, they also think he is bad for her. But she told me that I don't care. I don't know how to handle the situation. My sister will not break up with him. I feel he has stolen my sister, my only emotional support that I had, as she was all that I loved in this world. Now I dare not share anything with her, as she is unable to comprehend me. Please help me get back my sister.

A:It seems that you share a very special relationship with your sister and that she means the world to you. It is understandable that right now, you are not only feeling insecure about your relationship with your sister, but also very concerned about her well-being. However, one needs to remember that your sister is an adult and has a right to take her own decisions. Instead of getting worried about her, a better idea might be to sit down and talk with her. Maybe if you get her perspective on the matter, you will be able to accept it or make her see the flip side of it. We keep forming new relationships in our lives. A new relationship does not mean that the older ones become less significant. Each relationship has its own meaning and fulfills a different need. Just because your sister has someone in her life, it does not mean that she has been stolen away from you. Still if you are feeling threatened, not sharing your feeling with her is only going to complicate matters and increase the distress for you.

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