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My husband never appreciates me, what should I do?

Q: I am 28 years old married female with a daughter of 2 years. I got married 6 years ago. My husband is a very understanding and a nice person. The only problem is that he never appreciates or praises me for any thing, which I expect at least sometime from him. I had a friend before marriage whom I loved. But we knew that our relationship will be unaccepted by our parents, so we never got involved and I never told him that I loved him. I am living happily with my husband and always tell him that he should praise me for good things or be romantic. But it has not helped. Now I am missing my friend, though I have no contacts with him. I don't even know where he is. I miss my previous days. I believe my family is not getting affected with this, but am I doing something wrong?

A:It must be really suffocating and upsetting not being validated for your contributions. But recalling the past to deal with these feelings will not help. Rather it is leaving you with feelings of guilt and in fact may be downright dangerous as well, in case the earlier relationships were to resurface. If you are feeling under-appreciated and under-valued by your partner, then as uncomfortable as you may feel with the idea of expressing how under-appreciated you have been feeling, it can be very beneficial to do so and is the only way I can think of for you to deal with the situation. In doing this, the best approach is to be direct, specific and concise. Make sure that your tone of voice and your choice of words are as non-accusatory as possible. Use the "I" statement to express yourself instead of using You statements, which might make your husband retreat further. Be open to the other persons viewpoint and be willing to listen. And finally give him time and space to implement changes that you've decided. Do not forget to appreciate him for his efforts.


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