My boyfriend's always supports his family, how can I handle this?
Q: My boyfriend and I share a good chemistry and understand each other well. He is very broad minded and supportive about my career. But when anything related to his folks or friends happens, he becomes unreasonably supportive about them and sidelines me. Initially, I thought I was imagining things out of insecurity, but it actually happens. His parents often ask me not to visit his house as neighbours would say things about me. I thought it as their caring nature and followed them, but this created a misunderstanding between us. Every time they ask me to do something, they tell me not to let him know. They don't like that he keeps my albums, cards and gifts with him. They have taunted me several times about displaying our love in front of everyone. They have even read my cards which becomes embarrassing for me at times. His brother even goes through our personal mails. I haven't told my boyfriend about this. I know that he always reacts strongly in support of his family and friends. I don't know how to handle this. He very clearly told me that if a time comes where he has to support either one of us, he'll support his brother against me, even if he was wrong. This statement bothered a lot about our future. Should I convey my feelings to him? I respect his family but I am worried that once we get married, these small issues could ruin our relationship. How can I handle things which his parents ask me to do knowing that he won't like it? I dread the fact that I might have to stay in a joint family after marriage.
A:It is natural to go through some apprehensions when a relationship is been build up. It is different when one is in a relationship with a person, as compared to the family interaction, and that is where adaptation is needed. Also each family is a unit that is accustomed to their own ways of social behaviour and issues, and it takes time for one to be able to have mutual acceptance. Have good open communication with your boyfriend, and maintain the good rapport with the family. Do not let any preconceived notions affect your decision making.