I am in an emotional v/s practical crisis, please help?
Q: I have been in a relationship for many years now. I am 22 and my boyfriend is 26 years of age. We always shared a very passionate relationship and have also been best of friends. He has been suffering from a huge financial crisis in his business, so much that the family is almost bankrupt now. The problem is that he is not willing to take my father's help due to his ego. My father has tried indicating to me that if my boyfriend agrees, he might be able to help, if not financially then maybe professionally. Also, he has never appreciated or acted upon any of my suggestions, as he thinks I am immature and a kid. And many times he has made it clear that his family is more important to him than me. That made me doubtful regarding our relationship. We are committed to get married as soon as we both get settled in our respective careers. My psychologist feels that I should cut myself away from this relationship as much as possible and leave the matter of helping them into my father's hands as the family is in such a situation currently that they will not really give importance to our relationship right now. Also, as I am at a stage of deciding my career, I should not take emotional risks. I am worried for 2 reasons - that I am so much in love with him and the thought of any mishap simply scares me. I know my career is very important, especially because I have already lost a couple of years of my academic life due to some personal problems. We have been physically very intimate in the past, very regularly even though we never went all the way. I am worried that even if I am able to break this relationship, it might affect my future relationship with someone else. I don't know if I'll be doing the right thing by leaving him during such crisis, even though he has not been really given any attention to me since the last couple of years due to work pressure. Inspite of all that I know that he really loves me but I don't know if only love can make a relationship survive. Ultimately, I am supposed to go out of the city for my education for 3-4 years. I have no idea if I could take that much emotional pressure. Can you suggest me something as this is a question of a long term relationship?
A:You indeed seem to be caught up in a conflicting situation. Emotional YOU seems to be in conflict with the practical YOU. This indeed must be difficult for you. But you need to see things from a long term angle so that things don't get more complicated than they actually are right now. From what you report your boyfriend doesn't seem to be comfortable in taking any kind of help from your father. If he is so sure about it then don't force him and don't try to analyse it either. Respect his decision and with him try to work out other ways and means of improving the situation as you have mentioned that both of you have been best of friends as well. Remember that in a relationship besides love, respect for each other and mutual trust are equally important if not more. You have also mentioned that you are at a crucial stage in your career. It would be advisable for you to concentrate towards that as well, cause if you do that today you will be in a better position to help your boyfriend tomorrow. Discuss this with your boy friend. Since you both have been/are in a relationship for a long time, physical distance should not be an issue. Its going to be difficult initially but will settle down with time. Think about it like this that if your boyfriend had to go away for betterment of future would you not support him? Work over and discuss these points with him. This should clear a lot of things for both of you and might also help you take a decision regarding this relationship and your future.