Q: I am a 22 years old boy currently working in a software company. Three years back, I went through depression where I was not talking to anybody and was alone. That time I created a character of a girl I saw when I was in school. I unknowingly presumed her to be my best friend. After 2 years of depression, I was all right but I could not forget her. I still think of her as my best friend. When I actually confronted her, she told me that she didn’t know who I was. Somehow, I forgot about her later. Presently I am in a stressful job and I have again started following her. I proposed to her, but she rejected me. When I am very stressed I think she is my closest friend. However, if I call her she listens to me and after talking to her I get headache for 3 days. This is hampering my performance. Please help.

A:It seems that you are ambivalent about your feelings for this girl. You are not sure that you want to keep it at a friendship level or something more or even more at an intimate level. I am not even sure if you have ever had a frank chat with her. In this world of instant coffee and now everything instant, there are a few things, which certainly do not respond to being so instant. Relationships may be one of those - they need to be first nurtured and then maintained. Relationships again, can be of different kinds - at different levels and have different perceptions and meanings for people involved in them. Each acquaintance cannot become a friend and similarly every friendship does not result into intimate relationships. We can hope for things to happen, fantasise about them - but still the reality remains as it is - because realities do not change by mere hope or fantasy. A relationship needs to be reciprocated otherwise it cannot be a relationship. You would need to evaluate your feelings/emotions for this girl in the above context and reach a decision as to how you want to move on. What however seems clearer is you should move on with your life and would need to learn distraction techniques as well as develop healthy friendships with boys and girls of your age to help yourself to move on positively.