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How can I communicate effectively with my husband?

Q: My husband is a workaholic. I have completed 2 years of marriage and in these 2 years we have met only 8 times. My husband has good sexual feelings but he is satisfying himself. I am unable to speak romantically and sexually with my husband. I want to speak openly to him but can't. Before the marriage, I had no idea about sex so I rejected him the first time. After some days I said sorry. We are enjoying sex when we meet, but I don't know whether he is satisfied or not. He loves me a lot. He is born and brought up in Delhi and is very modern. Whereas I was born and brought up in a small village. I want to open up with him, but always think what if he replies negatively. This thing is disturbing my mind. I am a friendly person but cannot be frank with him. I asked him about having children once and consulting a doctor. But he said that he'll let me know whenever he is interested, I haven't raised the topic again. Now I don't have an interest in having children. I am unable to concentrate on my career. He has never said 'I love you' or 'I miss you' to me. I have sent him so many messages but he hasn't replied. He had a girlfriend who got married recently. They are both in touch since a year. He is very sentimental and sensitive. He likes to watch sex movies but not with me. Please advise.

A:I am finding it difficult to understand why it is that both of you live separately. But for some reason you seem to be and it is understandable that there will be a lack of communication because of this reason. However, for a marriage to work, it is important for both of you to be able to communicate effectively with each other. Also as you have said that you feel that your husband loves you a lot, then I am not sure it is all that important for him to express it in words, what is important is for it to be communicated. Also as you have said that you do not find it difficult to talk to friends, so I feel that an important solution to your problem will be to cultivate a friendship with your husband. For example if he is not comfortable watching pornographic movies with you, its important that first you could start watching other types of movies together, like entertainment movies that you both might enjoy, this can be a small step towards being comfortable with each other. You have to be open with your husband, if speaking in person is difficult you could try writing a letter or other such ways of communication. This small effort seems necessary. Meanwhile you should try to focus on your education and if you are facing any difficulties or distractions you should discuss these with your husband or other members of the family.


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