How can I build trust with my boyfriend?
Q: I have been involved with a boy for over 5 years now. I am 22 years old and my boyfriend is 27. It is a very serious relationship and we want to get married soon. My problem is related to my boyfriend's past. Before we met, he was involved in a lot of one night stands, and 'use & throw' kind of relationships. He didn't tell me about this till I questioned him. Earlier, it didn't matter because he is not doing this anymore, and I trusted him. But now, his past life haunts me. I feel that whatever he did was disrespectful towards women. He still keeps mails of his ex-lovers in his mailbox. He even met one of his ex-lovers few months back. I don't know why, but I have not been able to trust him. I feel insecure, specially because of the mails he has stored till now. His friends are also involved in one night stands. He cares a lot for them and loves their company. This worries me a lot. I don't know if he will ever be able to detach himself from his past life's casonova phase. We are also involved physically with each other. Many a times he has found faults with my appearance and praises his friend's girlfriends. He compares his ex girlfriends to Hollywood actresses. All this makes me very insecure. We love each other a lot. But we cannot get married till the time we trust each other completely. Once we were discussing someone else's family problem. He said that if ever there is a problem between me and his brother, irrespective of who is right, he will support his brother. I have been trying to forget this statement, but it worries me because we plan to live with his family after marriage. His business is going through a crisis, due to which we meet once a month and rarely find time to talk. This is disturbing me a lot. How do I convince myself that all my fears are baseless?
A:The key to relationship is communication, and that's what makes trust develop with time. Also the behaviour of the partner, and the sharing are the main resaons of developing trust. Your fears are certainly not abnormal or wrong, they are natural and would have happened to most people, at the same time past alone cannot be the reason to judge a present relationship. You need to increase communication, and sharing to ensure that you have a better perspective on this matter. As for the family related statement, address this with him, and talk about your views, and see his response regarding the same. Communication as I said is the key.