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Why is my son so aggressive, rude and disobedient?

Q: My 19 years old son is a college student. Though he is a bright boy, his grades are always poor. His biggest problem is his aggressive behaviour. It is not common in our family. My husband is very soft person; he has never punished our son, even when he should have. My son has turned very disobedient and rude. I feel as if I have lost all control over him. I am very worried about his future and it seems that he is taking drugs. What should I do to treat him?

A:As we all know, there is a link between the thoughts, feelings and behaviour and this really could be multidirectional with each one affecting the other. Over and above is the environment both internal and external as well as the perception of it, which can affect the thoughts/ feelings and behaviour. Aggression needs to be understood with respect to spontaneity versus after provocation, in home versus with friends and college too, with any specific people only, how long does it last. What happens during aggression, how quickly and what settles it down. Analysis of some of this information can be definitely advantageous. Aggression may or may not be related to drug use and may be related to even the developmental age of the individual. I would advise visiting a Psychologist after looking at the above bits of information for further guidance regarding management of aggression. Also drug use can be suspected by excessive demands for money or stealing, strange behaviours and smells etc. It is better to also sometimes ask simple questions of your son as to what does make him angry and what is his understanding of the anger outbursts- that can also provide you further leads.

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