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Why is my boyfriend is constantly fighting with me due to my past relationships?

Q: I am a 24 years old woman in a committed relationship with a 24 years old man. We have been going steady for the past three years and intend to get married once we both settle down. But we have a lot of problems and are constantly fighting. Initially, during the beginning of the relationship I had told my beau about my previous two relationships. I had assumed that he would be understanding about the same, but the main reason we fight even today is because of them. Both my previous relationships were physical and my current beau is extremely hurt by this. I know it is hurting, and I have told him so. I have also listened to 3 years of raving and ranting about my character and my upbringing. I used to take everything because I knew that he was truly hurt and I love him dearly. But of late, I cant help but think that this will never work out. And it depresses me to no end. I have been feeling very suicidal from the past few months and have lost complete confidence in myself. I am constantly waiting for him to say that he will break up with me and walk away. Even yesterday, we had a huge fight and now he is not talking with me. I don't know if he ever will. A part of me knows that I will survive and come out of this, but the other part is extremely hurt that he can think of me this way. And I just don't know what to do. I can't really talk about this to anybody else. Maybe a third persons perspective will help. And that is why I am writing in. Please help.

A:I am glad that you did write in. It is clear that you are going through a very difficult time. It is unfortunate that your boyfriend is reacting in the manner he is. The only solution to all is this is open communication. It is important that you seek counseling at the earliest as this will help you both talk openly about your feelings. Counseling will provide a safe and neutral space that the two of you may not be able to create for yourselves. Besides talking and clarifying, remember that you have right to choose your paths for yourself. While it is important that we respect the feelings of our loved ones, do not minimise the importance of your own feelings. You do not need to over accommodate your boyfriend's behaviour. You need to learn to trust yourself and have the faith. I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you. Remember that even if you are not able to resolve your relationship issues you must address your own needs. Look after yourself and do remember to get help even if it is just for yourself.


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