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Why has my friend snapped all ties with me?

Q: I lost both my parents in an accident at the age of 12. Now I am well settled and self employed in a company. I was very fond of a girl in my college. She too was friendly and caring. But now she has stopped communicating with me. She doesn't even care to see my face. Whenever she sees me, her face becomes sad and dull. I tried asking her the reason of her behaviour through mails and calls. But she does not respond at all. Recently I proposed her through a mail, to which she called back and clearly said that we will be friends but she will marry the person chosen by her parents. She further said that we will not communicate until further notice. What could be on her mind? Why is she is not talking to me? She seems so dull and I can't see her like this. I told her that we could at least be brother-sister explicitly calling each other. But she refused to say anything. She knows about my childhood. What should I do? I can't concentrate on my work. Please advise.

A:Lets begin by recognising that here is a person that you greatly care about. Let us also recognise that you have done all that you needed to do to communicate your feelings to her. She is unfortunately not being responsive. There lies a sense of loss. When people are grieving the loss of something important they go through a phase of denial followed by bargaining. You are bargaining at the moment. By that I mean that you want her in your life no matter what even if it is a brother/sister relationship. Ask yourself, will you really be happy in the long term, even if she agreed to this? Probably not, because your feelings will not be reciprocated and your needs will not be met. Essentially what I am trying to say to you is that it is time you move on. No matter how difficult it may seem, it is possible. I suspect that you are holding on because you have had other really significant losses in your life like your parents. That is very unfortunate but you deserve to be in a relationship where the other person respects you and is able to fulfil your emotional needs. So go out there and try and establish healthier friendships and relationships rather than holding on to something that will never truly meet your needs.


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