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Why does my daughter get depressed during examination?

Q: My 18 years old daughter is an introvert since childhood and does not mix with every one and speaks less. Being the older child, we always expected her to behave like a mature child; and therefore we pampered her, scolded her and sometimes even beat her for small mistakes. She has got every thing that she desired to the best of our financial capability. Some of her friends try to dominate her. If she wants something and we are unable to fulfill her need, she becomes quite angry. She is very dedicated to her studies and ambitious but is unable to share her emotions/problems. Constraints like anger, depression and loneliness dominate and demotivate her. She is unable to devote time to other extra curricular activities. She scored more than 90% marks continuously for 6 academic years and was presented a gold medal by her school. But lately she has not been showing the same dedication towards her studies. She gets confused at the smallest of thing and keeps thinking all the time, which has become a hurdle for her. She gets very upset and depressed especially during the examination period. She becomes aggressive when we don't understand her problems and starts breaking things. Please advise

A:Education does provide knowledge but it may not be synonymous with wisdom. Similarly, high marks and a very good academic career do not reflect what an individual is/has become/becoming otherwise. Personality is multidimensional and should be allowed to develop adequately with participation in various activities. For a successful individual the mantra in today's world is no more of just education and marks but also other components and skills - namely assertiveness, social skills, co- curricular activities, communication skills, emotional intelligence etc. Usually teenagers come under the pressure of doing a particular course because of feeling pressured, because they feel they will hurt others if they opt for anything else. This leads to pent up frustration, and results in emotional problems which can be very devastating because it would then seem that studies has led to this. I would advise spending time having a chat with your daughter, try understanding her as a person as an individual rather than seeing her from the lenses of studies - marks - courses - gold medals, etc. Thereafter it would be important to take her to a clinical psychologist, because it is better resolved early than later when emotional upswings may require use of medications. Be patient - spend time with her and do not be guilty of anything.


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