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Why do I have such ambiguous feelings towards my child?

Q: I am 33 years old, married for 3 years with a two years old daughter. I came to a new country six months back. I always feel that I am not a good mother and keep cursing God for giving me a child. Whenever I fight with my husband or something happens with my friends, I take out all my anger on my daughter. I scream at her and push her to the floor but when she starts crying, I pacify her and start crying for behaving so badly with my daughter, and end up saying sorry to her. Still, I can't stop screaming at her on anything and everything, I expect her to behave like an adult even though I know she’s too young. I always feel that there are so many people who want kids but why has God given a kid to me, who doesn't even know the value of a child. I keep feeling that I would have been happier without a child or maybe had a child much later. I love my daughter and I cannot live without her but still I have some hatred towards her because she is dark I want my daughter to grow up and be happy. I am worried that my screaming and our fights (my husband and I) will mentally affect her. Can you please advise as to what I should do and how to go about it? My husband is a very nice person but totally opposite to me. I like eating out with friends and spending time with them whereas he is a loner with no friends and reserved who does not want to talk at all. Do I need counselling?

A:One always picks on people weaker than oneself. But this type of irrational behaviour on your part will have a very negative effect on your daughter. Try to desist. Build up a support group of neighbours or friends with whom you can relax and share some of your problems. That is one of the best ways to let off steam or join a part time job so the monotony of housework reduces a bit. Or even take up a correspondence course to take your mind off daily pinpricks.


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