Why do I have a negative opinion about sex?
Q: I am 20 years old. I want to have a pure idea about sex. People I have come across have always taken sex as lust and a matter of fun or jokes. Besides one needs a good body for sex, which I don't have. I feel that I can never have sex due to this. I broke off with my boyfriend because he had very high desires and he said that if his wife will not fulfil his desires then he can go to the extent of raping her. I know that many boys have the same mentality. We have talked about sex on the phone, after which I always felt ashamed and guilty. I have seen my mother having a troublesome married life but still having sex with my father. This gets on my nerves. I feel that 95%of the men only want sex, as I have faced misbehaviour in bus and among my friends. Please give me peace of mind and right direction.
A:It is quiet evident why you think of intercourse in a negative manner as you have clearly stated that in the relationship that your parents share, it has rarely been seen positively. I am not aware of your relationship with your mother but if you are comfortable you could discuss this matter with her. You must also understand that the drive for sex is very biological in nature like that for hunger and thirst and sometimes also an expression of aggression. This is however a negative manifestation, try not to base your judgement on these manifestations, you must also consider the positive side such as its purpose of procreation which is essential for species survival and as an expression of love. Negative sexual behaviour cannot be generalized to men alone. You have some time before you form a strong opinion so do not feel distressed. It is also possible that since you have a negative attitude towards sex and are quiet disgusted with the kind of male attention that you receive, you may without consciously realising maintain or put on weight to appear unattractive. If this factor is causing you distress and effecting your everyday life then visiting your college or local counsellor may be advisable. It is most important for you to have faith in your own opinions and judgements and an overall belief in yourself.