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Should I tell my fiancé about my pre-marital relations?

Q: I had an affair with a guy for the last 3 years. I also had sex with him 3 times but not proper intercourse. We were supposed to get married but I came to know that he wasn't good, so I broke up. I got myself tested for HIV, which was negative. VDRL is also negative. I am going to get married to a boy of my parent's choice next week. He is a nice guy with a nice family. I cannot tell him anything since it is an arranged marriage. I fear that he will break the marriage if he comes to know. My greatest fear is of losing him. I am scared that the guy, with whom I had sex in a cheap hotel, might have done some video shooting. What will I do if my fiancé sees it? I am unable to sleep at night or work in the office. I am constantly thinking about the same thing.

A:Your guilt is killing you. Relax. We are living in 2006. You have not committed any big sin. It is quite all right if you've had sex with a man and are ending up marrying someone else. Its good that your tests are normal and that you are free of infections. This is important. You don't have to confide in your husband and tell him all this. Your past is your past. It is quite likely that your husband has a past he doesn't want to share totally with you too. Just take it easy. Nobody's going to blackmail you with videotapes. Even if they do, you can always say that somebody's superimposed your face on someone elses body and is needlessly harassing you! Calm down and look at your future with positivity. Everything is going to be all right. You alone can eliminate your depression.


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