Q: I am a 23 years old girl facing a lot of confusion. I have a guy in my life and we know each other from the past 4 years. We like each other and he is very much intrested in marrying me, even I am but due to family problems I am staying away. He says he loves me a lot and I also believe him. He works in another city. The problem is that he says that next time he comes he wants to have a physical relationship and I have a lot of craving for sex, so now I am worried as to what I should do. Should I or not. I know its wrong but sometimes situations go out of control. So I would be happy if you could help me out.

A:Your dliemna is quite understandable and fairly common too, in many cultures. The decision to experience sexual intercourse, and the value attached to the first experience has varied from time to time and also across cultures. The important factors determining the decision wil have to be the cultural & family values for the person and a clear understanding of the implications of the decision.The implications should be considered in terms of the emotional impact on oneself and the future realtionships,if there are likely to be beyond the current one. Over time and with the changing values,the values have changed about premarital sexual relationships. Currently, the willingness on part of young adults to engage in sexual relationships before marriage is not uncommon at all. The person has to own up such decision for oneself in the short term and longterm. It is the person concerned,and if at all the partner involved, who needs to decide if ne is ready for sexual relationship. In your case,it does seem that you happen to have lot of uncertainty about getting into sexual relationship. It is best to go by what you feel mostcomfortable about, than to go by either what the society expects you to do or what your partnet wants you to do. Ask yourself if you are ready for it and you would like to go ahead with it at this time and with this partner. The very practical but important aspects of protection for sexually transmitted illnesses(no ofence to anyone involved!!!) and for pregnancy should be adequately attended to. If you do find the decision difficult, you may like to speak with a good friend you can trust or an elder person in the family. You may like to consider seeking help from a counselor or a psychologist if you do find the pressure of the situation too much to handle by yourself or with informal help. Do not hesitate to seek ehlp from a suitable quarter.