My wife still talks to her boyfriends, what should I do?
Q: I am 29 years old and got married 6 months ago, as per my parents' wish. They expected that the girl would take care of the family well. But things have taken a different route. She takes care of me well but doesn't seem to show any interest in my parents. She seems to have couple of boyfriends and used to talk to them frequently, which she considers as normal, this used to hurt me a lot because I hail from a very good family and am not interested in these things. Recently I saw a few mails in her mailbox, which she had sent to her boy friends before our marriage. I can make out that she was interested in a couple of guys. I never expected that I would have to face these situations. After seeing these incidents, I am still able to live because I am mentally very strong and have to live for my parents. I hold a responsible position and draw good income in a MNC and am not able to concentrate on my work keeping these things in my mind. I cannot disclose these things to my parents because they would die if they came to know about them. Please advise.
A:The young generation of today has moved forward. They move forward with time also with respect to not dwelling on past events / relationships / mishaps etc. But, they are able to focus on the today and if the today is not being affected by the yesterday, it should not lead to consternation. Secondly, the length and breadth of relationships has significantly increased. Relationships or meeting people can be secondary to just being acquaintances, or being friends, or being in an intimate relationship. Each of these categories has clear meanings and the younger people are able to maintain boundaries. As a friendship would not imply a sexual relationship to the most, the same way an acquaintance is not considered to be a friend. Thus, having friends in the past does not imply romantic interactions. Thirdly, as people move on they are able to distinguish and move on that a particular relationship is over and we need to focus on the present. While I can understand your dilemma - don't you think it is based on a past, which is probably not affecting the present? Secondly, do you really think there should be nothing personal between two individuals? Do you discuss your private intimate details with your parents, like wise does this need to be discussed with them? What I would recommend is that you need to have a heart to heart discussion with your wife and if it does not settle you down, take help from a psychologist.