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My wife hates me and cribs most of the time, what should I do?

Q: I have been married for 13 years and very unhappy. Both of us are extreme in thoughts, views, likings, etc. I am more practical while my wife is dreamy. She is very typical in nature; very rigid, stubborn and over confident. She is always ready to fight and argue. She cries and shouts a lot, irrespective of anything. I have two children who are suffering a lot and so is my family. She also has a complex and is not friendly at all. All she cares about is her own family; rest is nothing for her. She does not like to communicate, nor does she like others to communicate with her. She just likes to stay in her own world. She always cribs about the past and does not like to enjoy the present. I have tried talking to her but nothing has worked. Communicating more or educating her, would be taken as bossing over her. I have tried doing what she likes, tried keeping her busy, tried keeping her physically satisfied, which she is not interested in. She hates me for everything. She has become impossible and does not admit her mistake or apologise. I have everything by God's grace - good family, good children, and a good income. But without her support, everything else is just useless. I have started getting negative thoughts and feel frustrated. I keep searching for a good friend, as I can't tell this to anyone else. I cannot dare to ask her to go to a counsellor, as she won't take it in a healthy way. Rather she will take it more aggressively. She also has a habit of dwelling in the past and sticking to it. I am very depressed and losing all hope towards life. Please advise.

A:I can understand that you have tried a lot and now are getting frustrated. Remember, life is pretty complicated. Life is not simplistic that you start losing hope towards life. As they say “Zindagi - zindadili ka naam hai” or in other words, life is all about your attitude towards life. There are obviously no simple, instantaneous solutions. I would advise you to have her perspective of things too- may be she does not like or cannot accept certain things. And again, it is not necessary for her to go to the counsellor in the first place. I would encourage you to make the first move and the reasons being you need to improve your coping skills first. Then, you may want to request her to accompany you to be able to provide you support. Then maybe you both can engage in counselling such that each one’s perspective can be well considered. If you are feeling depressed that it is affecting your sleep, appetite and normal functioning, I would advise you to visit a Psychiatrist right away.


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