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My father does not have a good opinion of me, what should I do?

Q: I am working for a leading US based MNC in a decent position and also paid a decent salary. I never had a good equation with my father since childhood. My father has never had a good opinion about me and thinks I am useless. He does a lot of bad mouthing about me and says that I will be jobless and never succeed in life, which I have proved otherwise. I am 31 years old and my father is forcing me to marry a girl who does not match my profile. She is from a village and I was born and brought up in the metro cities. He says that if I refuse to marry her, he will never search for another match for me and will not take care of me in life. I got a better assignment to work in a good company with a very good package. But I did not take up the job due to his bad mouthing. I feel it's a risk going to a new company. I have changed many companies in the past 8 years. I am mentally very disturbed about this and my marriage too. What should I do?

A:It is possible that this is your father's technique of parenting where he motivates you through negative comments. He might have found it effective such as the example of your success in your job and he is now continuing it without realising how negative his approach is. Your father may not able to see the negative effect that it is having on you. You need to speak with him about it. You are grown up and are in a position to make your own decisions, so it is not necessary to consult him for every decision. Also it is important to realise that since you have to live with the decision you make, your own need it is most important. This is true not only for your job but also with your marriage. Discuss the topic with him and don't give into pressure. Try and focus on your own needs and on understanding yourself better. Introspect and if you are still unsure seek counsel from a professional. You may even have a counsellor at your work place whom you may contact.

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