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Is it OK to indulge in sex before marriage?

Q: I am 20 year old and my girlfriend is 19 years old. We both decided to marry in future. As we are the youngest in our families so there is a 3-4 year gap for our marriage. We are very frank with each other, we have also done some sexual activities with each other not proper one but like masterbating each other. She never says no to me or hesitate but some times she said I dont like this before marriage, by this, I feel that she is insecure about future. But I am helpless when sex is on my mind, I stop thinking or there is a mind block. This is all about me and our relationship. Can this can affect our future life? If we continue doing this will it decrease our craze after marriage? Can these activies put some hurdles in our marriage? Is she being hurt by these? Please tell me what I should do as I am very depressed.

A:Your questions cannot be answered satisfactorily without interviewing you both in detail. Sex is affected by multiple factors like the atmosphere in which one is brought up, personal experience with intimate relations with family and persons of opposite sex, ones sexual knowledge, myths and morals, society's and personal expectations in such matters, etc. Trusting each other and honesty in these matters is very important. Your future problems can be avoided if you both discuss it openly and honestly. Your craze about each other should not decrease if you are committed and are not exploiting each other. It should increase because there is so much to explore enjoy and grow together. This should not cause hurdles if you take care of each others sentiments and views. If you talk openly to each other you would know whether you are hurting each other. Finally, all great intimate relationships are built on a deep respect for each others wishes and restraint on ones impulses, sexual or either.


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