Home » Frequently asked Questions on Health » I love my husband but can't lose an intimate friend, what should I do?

I love my husband but can't lose an intimate friend, what should I do?

Q: I am a 40-year-old woman, married for the last 15 years with 2 daughters. I had a love marriage. My husband is a good & understanding man and I am very happy with my life. I just have one regret that I have never been interested in sex. I do it jus because I am expected to and I can't say no to my husband. I was treated for severe depression 18 years back. Maybe the loss of libido is due to the medications I took for 2 years. I am a working woman. Two years back I met a man at a conference and we both clicked instantly. We exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch. I used to think a lot about him initially but gradually got over it. Six months ago, I met him again, and we reconnected, exchanged numbers etc., but that was it. Again 3 months back, we both met at a seminar and were together for 3 days. We got along very well, talked till late night, went for walks and discovered a lot in common. However, there was absolutely no physical contact of any kind. I even told my husband about this and he was happy that I had good company. Since that trip, we have been in regular touch. We meet once in a while for lunch and talk regularly on phone. I have not told my husband about this. He also hasn't told his wife. I realise that I really like him and wait to see him. I wait for his calls, get cranky with my children if I don't talk to him for a few days and constantly think about him. Lately, I have even fantasised about a physical relationship with him. I am scared that I may relapse into depression. I can't get over him. Last week we met and expressed our growing feelings for each other and talked about the need to act responsibly since we both had families. I think about him all the time. I don't want to lose his friendship. Please advise.

A:The classical tussle between the heart and the mind, reason and emotion. Who wins and who should win are the never answered questions and probably never will be. What is ideal and what is practical may finally be very subjective, defying logic at times, at times depending on the cultural appropriateness and probably best measured by the long term outcome. Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna – may evoke various debates, but conclusions? Movies may be closer to real life, but may also be far away. Should a work of art be allowed the power to completely wash the cultural heritage in the name of globalisation and modernization are again questions, which bring about answers based one’s own subjective preferences. Ultimately, you should be aware that the choice of action would be yours and should be based on proper weighing of consequences. And when consequences have the power to affect not individuals but groups of people the consequences should be well measured before actions are taken. A friendship may not be synonymous with a sexual relationship in the most advanced of societies and history is replete with examples. Not only families but also governments may tend to break up if an acquaintance/ friendship becomes synonymous with intimacy. In the final run it is you yourself who should be able to take the onus of the actions taken and their consequences without the need to blame other(s). And, may I say that would be the best step or action for you.

RELATED FAQ

................... Advertisement ...................

   

FAQ

ASK OUR EXPERTS

Using 0 of 1024 Possible characters
Choose Topic
-------------------------------- Advertisement -----------------------------------