I have marital disharmony due to my husband's infertility, please help?
Q: I have been married for 8 years. Initially, my husband and I had a lot of trouble getting married as we come from different backgrounds and after marriage we went through the worst financial time. We were dependent on my in-laws, who supported us but always taunted. After 3 years of marriage we decided to have a child. My husband has some serious condition due to which he can't father a child biologically. With the initial shock and all the possible treatments, we have been dealing with this stress for 5 years now. There is no support from my in-laws, who have never spoken to me about my feelings. They just want a child for their son. Whenever a fight erupts, we end up calling names to each others' parents. I don't love his parents due to their behaviour towards me and my parents. We have tried to live away from them but still fight because of them. We love each other a lot. Whenever I hear that so and so in the family or friends is having a baby, I become sad and something in me wants justice. I have been through a rough time with my in-laws with no support from my husband. He noticed that I exist only after 3 years of marriage. My parents blamed me for everything because I married a guy of my choice. The only person who loved me sincerely was my brother-in-law, who gave me some support as a friend. Since he is much younger in age I cannot discuss my most distressing emotions with him. Sometimes, I hate myself for taking this decision of marrying my husband. My emotions have become very complicated. We have been taking treatment for donor insemination, which has not been successful so far. I am getting older and I don't know what will happen in future.
A:Take heart. Don't complicate the matters further in an attempt to resolve them. Take one step at a time, preferably one small step in the desired direction. You sure are caught up in a net where you cant see what is related or leading to what. First things first - your relationship with your husband. You state that you both love each other and are still unable to undo the tensions and fighting. Obviously, all this external tension and frustration is taking a toll on your relationship. Child or no child, family feuds or peace, you definitely need to feel more secure with each other. Work on your relationship. Work on supporting each other through the tough phases. Talk, spend time, discuss, share your feelings and frustrations. Don't blame each other. You both need understanding. As for the desire of having a baby, I can understand your yearning and the pain when you hear of others having children. Look realistically into what the chances are that you have through the various medical procedures. Most of these interventions take time. How about looking at adopting a baby? Hang in there. Try to work through the mess. And things would surely be better.