I have been betrayed by my husband, what should I do?
Q: I am a 44 years old woman undergoing perhaps menopause. I have three kids (son 21 years, daughters 19 and 17 years old). My husband is a known womaniser and never faithful to me, but nowadays, my husband has kept a woman with him. He says that he has fallen in love with that woman. He has no interest left in me (after making enquiry from a detective I have come to this conclusion). I am a microbiologist and working woman at the time of marriage but being uneducated, narrow minded, prejudiced and having complexes, my husband never gave me respect, security, or enough money. He used only to humiliate me, beat me in front of the servants, abuse the kids, etc. I concentrated in bringing up my kids but this shock has broken me totally. I cant gather myself up and being handicapped without money and any support I am lost. I want to survive and help my children to be independent. My husband is not in a state to come back otherwise being so conservative and in a small city he didn't think socially about prestige and how it would affect the future of two very beautiful daughters. I am taking medicines to recover from mental shock and nervous breakdown. I am looking for firm conclusion and to prepare my kids to be more strong and firm about their future because they have lost confidence in everything including me. Will it be possible and how?
A:Yes, you have gone through a lot of traumatic times and I do understand that it must have had a huge impact on you. Also I understand that in the present situation, you would be having so many confusions, and emotional disturbances. But, all problems can be solved if there is the right form of effort. Medications would help you to feel better, but they shall not be able to solve your marital issues, for that you have to think clear and rationally, and with a futuristic perspective for your kids, but more so for your individual self as well. If you don't take care of yourself, taking care of others would not be possible as well. All problems are not because of ones own self, and we cannot change others, but we can minimise their impact on our internal self. You need to accept reality and look beyond your yesteryears, and your kids are old enough; you should talk to them, share your concerns with them, and together work towards a solution and peace for all of you. I would also suggest that you take therapy (counselling) along with medications.