I am scared of marriage, what should I do?
Q: I am 24 years old Brahmin boy, the only son of my parents. I have practiced Brahmcharya (celibacy)and meditation since childhood and maintain a high level of peace and concentration of mind. My parents are planning to marry me in a year or two. Although I am not against marriage but I have some inhibitions which I hope you will enable me to sort out. Following are some points, I expect you to guide me upon. I think having a girl in life is the most disturbing in a peaceful life which I have built over the years. If I get married, I may not having disciplined sexual behaviour, which will only increase my tension. I have heard that girls have much more sexual instinct than a boy, so its boys duty to lower the sexual instinct of the girl; if not, she cannot control herself and she may start adultery behaviour without considering emotions of a man. A girl can live with only those boys which make her happy. As I never have any contacts or knowledge of a girl. Although no lady of my family ever done this type of act, But I am fearful about new generation of girls. Since, I am so emotional, I would not leave the girl in this world, if she behaves like this. I don't know what happens in future, but it can surely destroy my life. I am very fearful about seeing others disturbed life. Two years ago, I was planning not to marry ever in my life, if possible. I think I have the capacity, can live full life on my own. But all my thoughts gone in vain in the wake of my parents insistence for marriage. Please suggest me what I should do.
A:As far as your worries regarding the extent and depth of marital relationship is concerned, these are natural worries. However, when one plans to start marital life, nobody else can provide exact guidelines regarding interactions. The strength of marital bond depends upon three basic tenets: mutual trust, mutual respect and transparency (honesty). You can judge your would be partner during your courtship period, to some extent and accordingly decide how much you should disclose to her. It’s always prudent to begin with discussions on neutral general issues and as bond strengthens focus more on personal issues and revelations depending upon the acceptance on her behalf. You should not be scared about the outcomes right at the beginning, remember failures lead to road of success.