How to help a defiant adult change her unacceptable behaviours?
Q: This query concerns a 19 years old girl who has developed deep infatuation/love for a bad charactered boy, inspite of serious objections from her parents. The boy is three classes senior and is considered a drunkard by one and all, including the students and faculty of the institution. He is also said to have had affairs with many girls in the past and does not have any future. This girl also had a similar fling with another established ruffian just before she got attached to this new one. She keeps on getting a private mobile device from the boy and keeps talking to him in private including bathrooms. This is going on for one year and she has already spoiled her full year without studying anything. She used to be a very intelligent girl before these drifts. Now she had become defiant, adamant, rebellious, highly ill-mannered and a compulsive liar. She does not listen/believe anyone including professors/parents. She also says straight 'NO' if I tell her to consult a psychologist for help. Anyone who talks against her wishes becomes her biggest enemy .All this is ruining the whole family and the future of the girl and his younger brother is at absolute stake. At the time of the birth of this girl her father was on medication for obsessive compulsive neurosis. Kindly advise a way out. Is she suffering from some ailment or some kind of depression that she has blanked out from the realities?
A:It is difficult to make a defiant adult change by advice or lecturing or by force. Change happens by understanding of the self. One needs to talk to her without any authority, but in an open manner allowing her to express the thoughts regarding this relationship, and maintain this communication for a few weeks so that she can develop better insight. Talking with a psychiatrist would be beneficial.