How to deal with an alcoholic and highly demanding husband?
Q: I am 36 years old/working woman, reasonably good looking and educated, married for the last 14 years. we have two children aged 12 (girl) and 10 years old (boy). My husband is 40 years old and is a businessman (filthy rich). The problem is that he is a drunkard. He drinks till late in the night and then he wants me to fulfill his sexual desires till 1-2 in the night, almost daily. I am feeling very frustrated as I am not able to cope up with his demands, as my health and hectic work schedule does not permit me to do so. I am not able to concentrate on my work, on children and other things. Now he threatens me that he will have relations with other women if he does not get his desires fulfilled at home. He is highly active sexually and almost everytime he demands it whenever he sees me, in a very irritating and painful manner. I do not understand what to do? I feel that he should get counselling or treatment. Kindly help and suggest as I am in deep trouble? I may kindly be directed as to whom should we meet in this regard?
A:Your problems are understandable, on both the counts of your husbands alcohol use and the mismatch between the two of you about the sexual functioning. The two problems may or may not be related. The alcohol related problem can be understood in terms of being a disease. It is quite likely that he is already suffering from Alcohol Dependence or on his way to being there. The demand for sexual activity as you see it, may be realted to his alcohol use. Even otherwise, couples often have this kind of difficulty specially in middle age. It seems to me that you will do well to consult a competent psychiatrist or an academic department of psychiatry, with a multidisciplinary mental health team. If you and your husband can go together, it will be more meaningful and easy to deal with. I can only tell you that very often seemingly impossible problems can and do get resolved failry easily or with some consistent effort, so dont despair. The treatment methods for alcohol use problems are very effective these days if the person concerned is willing to accept his problem. The issue of the sexual activity being mismatched can also be discussed and sorted out.