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How to deal with a stubborn husband who abuses his wife?

Q: For no reason, my sister's husband has been using abusive language against my sister for quite sometime now and that too in the presence of their 7 years old daughter. He is a person who nobody can speak to or make him understand. My sister has tried to tell him on a couple of occasions not to use abusive language in front of their child but e just does not listen. Of late, my niece has started behaving very stubbornly. Earlier she was a very lovable, understanding and mature child. But now she has just become the opposite. She just does not listen to her mother and uses the same curses and language that her father uses against her mother. Please advise us on how we can sort out this problem and stop the child from becoming worse and a rebel. Talking to the father is just next to impossible, because he will not take it in the right sense.

A:You ask what to do about the child, but that is not the right question, because the child is acting normally, imitating her strongest parent. The correct question is, what is to be done about a husband who abuses his wife in front of their child? The answer is up to your sister. She must face the fact that if she allows the abuse to continue she will cause harm to both herself and her child. It is good that you are concerned for your sister and niece, because they need your help. A plan must be made to get your brother-in-law some help, perhaps counseling. Not knowing the full situation, I cannot help you make a specific plan, but you might ask: 1. Who has influence over him? 2. Is he in trouble at work as well as at home? 3. Is he trying to get out of the marriage? 4. Is he ill, or worried about finances, his job, his parents, his health? 5. Does he have a legitimate complaint against your sister that has not been resolved? Good luck in solving this important family puzzle!


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