How to cope with confused sexual preferences?
Q: I am a victim of confused personality. I can't exactly remember how it started, but I was very girlish in my childhood and fondled by many. I was sexually abused by my cousin brother in my childhood. I liked what he did that time, but today I find my self no where. I had a homosexual relationship from the age of 17. I am 24 today and I get attracted toward females, though not very strongly. Actually when I am alone I can fantasize sex with females, but I can't even think of it when I am in front of one. Also I often masturbate fantasizing rape of a girl. It has been tough for me to graduate from some girlish traits to a normal man traits, though there are still some nuances of it in me. Also I remember that because of my very baby looks in my childhood, even my parents dressed my like a girl. I guess I was slowly attracted towards it. I never cross dress though I did when I was a kid. I think I have emotionally coped up with the problem, or aleast I have been bold enough to identify & accept it. I want to punish no one but just get out of this situation. I don't know what my sexual preferences are? Please help.
A:You do not seem to be a confused personality but only confused about your sexual preference. You need to be interviewed in detail to determine it. Your childhood experiences, including child sexual abuse, complicate the matter further. However, it is commendable the way you have recognised your problems and tried to solve them. It is very wise to focus on the solution rather than blaming others or punishing them. One should get on with life and pursue ways of being happy. Your main problems seem to be not being comfortable with your homosexual behaviour while your heterosexual fantasies include rape of a girl. This seems to be linked in part to sexual abuse during childhood. I stongly advise you to consult a Psychiatrist for detailed assessment of your problem and planning treatment which will include both behaviour and psychotherapy. Remember this is going to be a prolonged treatment which will definitely change your life for the better if your efforts are sincere.