How should I forget a sad past relationship?
Q: I am a 29 years old male. Four years back, I started looking for a girl through matrimonial websites. I found one and started talking to her and got acquainted with her. We both exchanged our photographs and horoscope and after consulting our parents, we fixed a marriage date. We started talking a lot about our future plans and our relationship, but two months before marriage, I caught her chatting with a married guy. She knows him well before meeting me. They both chatted in a sexually abusive way and she developed an affair with that guy. But before it lead to any physical intimacy, I entered her life. She often expressed her sexual desire towards him. When I came to know all such things about her, I got shocked and almost fainted, because I never expected that from her. Due to this, I was not able to sleep and eat well. After a week or so, I talked to her regarding her conversation with the other guy. She replied that she was not serious about him. My friends and peer group advised me to forget about the incident. I tried to forget, but whenever I talked to her, the same issue always popped up. Moreover, she told me that she is not interested in marrying me and does not see any future with me. A month back, she sent a note saying that she is very happy and God has saved her from me. I feel very cheated and helpless now. What should I do? Please help me in forgetting my past.
A:I am sorry to hear that you have been through such a hard experience. Sometimes, the difficulty with Internet relationships is that you do not have enough time to get to know each other. The best way to build a relationship is to meet and spend time together. Since this did not happen in your case, it becomes difficult to gauge what the other person is really like and develop a trusting relationship. I appreciate your emotions and also your desire to keep the relationship going despite the fact that her actions hurt you. Having said that you need to focus on the full picture that if she was not committed to you in the same way that you were, you would have encountered problems later too.
As for new experiences with women, give yourself sometime to heal first. It is too early to be open to new relationships. But as time goes by, you will have a new perspective and you will realise that just because you have had one bad experience, not all interactions with the opposite sex are likely to be the same. You can definitely hope for a brighter future.