How do I strike a healthy conversation with my husband?
Q: I am a 30 years old female, married for eight years. We have two children. My problem is that every time I talk to my husband, we end up fighting with each other. He used to complain that I dominate the conversation and so now, whenever we talk, I keep quiet. But he has problem with this as well. He says that I undermine him and am playing with his ego. I love my husband a lot and really suffer because I miss talking to him but I fear I will hurt him. I am so jealous to see him talking and laughing with other people but we can stay a whole night without saying anything to each other. I would wish to go back to the time when we used to talk and laugh together. Please help me.
A:Communication, which is healthy and fulfilling, is a vital part of any relationship. Only through talking and sharing do we learn about each other and become close to each other. In your relationship, there seem to be no communication at all which is why the apparent distance and pain. Your husband has clearly stated that he finds you dominating the conversations. For you, the answer was perhaps to completely stay mum. This obviously hasn't worked either as you just went from one extreme to the other. The more desirable thing would be for you to talk to him and understand that in what way he thinks that you dominate or control the conversation? And also to check that what would be a more preferred style of expression for him, which you can practice. In this way, you won’t be cutting the channel of communication completely but adapting to a more conducive style of approaching him.