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How do I help my husband understand me?

Q: My problem is my incompatibility with my husband. I love him, but he has got certain characteristics which are unbearable. He is very short tempered and does what he thinks is right and never accepts his mistakes. He shouts for silly reasons. Due to all this I have lost my peace of mind. Sometimes I don't even feel like going home. I am compromising a lot with him but I am not finding any improvement. I have tried explaining to him many times, but he never listens. He also shouts at me in front of my son. I have told him several times, please don't do that. But when he is angry he is not aware of what he speaks. Can you give me a solution for this? Is there anything that I can do from my side? I know that he loves me too. But certain behaviour of his is very bad. He never leaves his mother also. My mother-in-law is also very depressed regarding this. She lost her husband very young. Since then my husband has taken up the responsibility and he feels that everybody should do the way he tells. My mother-in-law also tells me I do not know why he has become like this and she cries. All this creates unpleasantness at home. Hope I will get a solution for this?

A:I can appreciate the difficulty you must be experiencing in dealing with your husband. As you have mentioned you are already trying to accommodate his behaviour but things have not changed. Well that is essentially because this is his problem and not yours. In other words he needs to take responsibility for his behaviour and recognise the negative impact this is having on the family. And in fact the more you accommodate the more he will push limits and it will never be enough. It is time you be assertive about communicating this to him probably along with your mother-in-law. If he gets the same feedback from both of you he is likely to be more accepting of it. Professional help may be important as he will not be able to change these patterns of behaviour on his own. For this you may consult a psychologist.

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