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How do I deal with my domineering husband?

Q: My husband is very domineering, and does not help me with anything. I have to drive at night, manage finances and take care of our 18-month-old son. He tells me that a good wife should put up with her husband's demands. He does not show affection for even his son. He does not change his diapers, never gets up at night and does not play with him. I have a full time job, take care of our son, wait on him hand and foot, cook, clean, pay the bills, and no matter what I do he still tells me where I need to improve. He constantly tells me that men cheat on their wives because the wife doesn't take care of the man in bed. I hear that every week. I feel like he is threatening me. He has been working out of town for the last month or so. I have come to dread the weekend he is home. I hate the fact I don't want him to come home, or to make love to him, but frankly it repulses me. When I ask him if he will do something for me he asks if he will get sex as payment. He told me that he wishes I stayed with him, only because he misses his servant. I feel like a hired hand. How do I talk to him without getting into a fight? I feel like a married single mom, as my husband never helps me with anything. He does not want to go for counselling. When I try to talk to him, he tells me that I am ungrateful and selfish. He tells me if I wanted a romantic man who grovelled at my feet then I should have married one. I thought I had, till we got married. How do I deal with the situation?

A:It seems that you are exasperated dealing with the situation day in and out. What you are basically describing is an individual who has a sense of self-importance, who thinks that he is superior, special and also believes that his needs are special and superior to yours / others. Also, he has difficulty recognising your needs, requirements, feelings and desires and always expects his desires to be catered to and gets angry if his needs are not met. These are, in fact, personality traits, which can be maladaptive and dysfunctional. He can be very hurt if challenged and thus would lead to more trouble and despair. I would suggest that since you need to learn the art of managing him it would be advisable to see a Clinical Psychologist for yourself initially who can help you cope with these narcissistic personality traits of your husband.


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