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How can I win my wife's love and respect?

Q: I am 27 years old and got married 6 months back. I never had an affair so I always felt that my wife would be my girlfriend. I kept in store all my love, care and affection till I got married. Trouble started 3 months ago, when I started to feel that excess of everything is bad. My wife started taking me for granted and got everything by shedding tears or acting pampered like a 2-year-old child. She gives more importance and attention to her siblings and cousins. I have talked to her about this openly but of no avail. I feel that she has been brought up by her parents that way. She wants to be the centre of attraction all the time. How do I win her respect, care, love and attention? I know neglecting her for a while or being casual can help in the short run but what about the long run? I don't have any ego hassles or prejudices. I love her and just want her to reciprocate. Please advise.

A:You are right that ignoring your wife will result in more damage to your relationship in the long run and would be an immature decision. The relationship that you have developed over the past 6 months may have defined your roles into an equation where you are the responsible provider while unknowingly you have given her a less active role. Hence, your relationship presently may not be that of equals or you may even be in the role of a parent figure to her. Changing this will take time and maybe an alteration in both your images of a husband-wife relationship. Try talking to her and understanding what her expectations are and at the same time try to explain yours to her. Compromises will be needed on both your parts, for example if you want exclusive time with her then you might have to agree to let her spend a certain day or some time with her family members while both of you could agree to spending a day alone with each other. You could also consider going to a marriage counselor so that the differences between you both do not increase and the problem can be addressed at its nascent stage.


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