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How can I overcome my shyness with girls?

Q: I am very shy and cannot talk to girls until they come and talk to me. From my school time I am like that. Also I never had any girl as friend even in college. In second year of my college I lost my mother. My problem is that whenever a girl talks to me or takes interest in me as friend, I take it that she is in love with me or interested. Also I feel that I am in love with her. And I have proposed each of them and most of the time I consider them as my life partner. I cannot make out whether it is love or infatuation. I go to extreme for each of them and can do anything for them. Do tell me what is it? Am I wrong with my emotions? Or I am searching for someone? Sometimes I don't know what to do? Or is there something wrong with my looks as I am not that much handsome that’s why girls don't like me? Do tell me what qualities should one have to impress girls?

A:I do understand how you must feel. It seems to me that you need to realise that many young men and women do go through the kind of experiences that you have shared, mainly in adolescence and in early young adulthood. Most people do grow out of it on their own with help from a few friends and with the initial few experiences. To quite some extent, this can be considered part of normal growing up. If the extent of what you have said is correct and if the problem has continued for long, it does seem it should not be easily passed off as that. The crucial part would also be whether you have been able to build and maintain a few or at least one significant relationship or friendship, without getting into the kind of difficulties you generally do get into. If this has also not been possible, there is certainly serious need for review. It is very encouraging indeed that you have recognised the problem and that you are willing to seek help and advice about it. I am sure you will understand that there are limitations to advice that can be provided here with limited information and also that such problems will require a trained professional to make assessments in person. Please consult a clinical psychologist and or psychiatrist in your town for assessment and treatment if required. The treatment may well be only in terms of counselling and may or may not require medication. I should also mention to you that such difficulties can be easily treated and so there is no reason for you to lose heart.


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