How can I overcome my guilt?
Q: I am a 46 years old male. I have been suffering from depression from the last 8 years. I have been taking medicines but there is no relief. The main cause of my depression is the feeling of guilt. Actually my childhood and teenage years have been very disturbing. I was beaten by my father many times. There was not a single day when my parents didn't quarrel. The environment at home was really bad. Due to this, I couldn't even concentrate on my studies. But I managed to graduate and got a good job after 6 years of completing my education. I also faced a lot of financial problems during and after my studies. My father always neglected me and told me get out from his home. There is something that disturbs me the most. Many times I had witnessed my parents having sex in same room where I slept. I felt disgusted and also excited. Many times I tried to avoid the situation but I had no option. When I turned 19, I happened to see my mother taking a bath. One day I slept with her in the same bed and ejaculated. My mother doesnt know about this. There was no sexual activity. Till this day, I have not been able to overcome the guilt of experiencing this. Now I find myself helpless. I love my mother a lot and respect her for what she is. I am under treatment for depression but there is no relief. At times I cannot figure out the reason behind all this. There is no problem with my children and family. But what happened 25 years back keeps disturbing me till date. Despite all the attempts, I have not been able to get over it. Please help me and give your expert advice for my problem.
A:I can understand the guilt you have been living with, but there is no need to carry on feeling like this. What you experienced is a common occurrence in adolescence. This is the time when our hormones become active. It is part of growing up. You would be surprised to know that many men have had the same experience as you. The guilt exists because most believe that it is wrong to have sexual urges for anyone except your wife. And that it is a sin to even think of such things. I would suggest you meet a counsellor and discuss your feelings. Therapy will help you greatly to overcome your guilt and the associated depression.