How can I keep my son away from my breaking marriage?
Q: I have been under stress for many years. People find me highly irritable, short tempered though at work I usually maintain my calm. Off late my relationship with my husband has deteriorated and I have decided to end it. I have a 9-year-old son, who is very attached to his father. My husband has been the cause of my misery. My marriage has never been smooth. My husband deserted me for 7 months after 5 months of marriage without consummating it. He returned with many problems. My family and I have undergone untold miseries with my husband, but I maintained my relationship with him due to social pressures. But now it has reached a stage, where I feel that there is no meaning in this marriage. Is my decision to end this marriage, right? How do I cope up with stress? I get palpitations and end up taking Restyl 0.5 mg. I want to bring up my son in the best possible way without allowing him to sense my stress. My husband has been referred to psychiatrists as he is under depression. Please advise.
A:I am probably not the right person to advise on your decision pertaining to relationship with your husband. In addition, from your description we do not know much in terms of possible reasons for your husband's behaviour. From your description, you definitely seems to be under lot of stress - stress can lead to symptoms that you are describing such as irritability, short temper, anxiety attacks (palpitations), etc. There are some self help techniques that might be helpful:- 1. Write down your concerns in detail and see if you can start resolving one concern at a time — for e.g., you might be worried about how you will take care of your son by yourself — may be jot down in some detail things you can do, which will help you in doing this; similarly some issues might be simple in terms of just making decisions. Allow yourself to take as much help from your friends, relatives and other family members. Write all the problems that seem to make you worry and start making decisions (don't be overly concerned if you are making good decisions or not - as long as they seem reasonable to you, go ahead and try to resolve the issues) 2. If you have a close friend or family member on whom you can rely - share your concerns/issues - just telling it to someone else helps. 3. I know we are reluctant to seek professional help but do try to seek professional help — depending on available resources - may be counselling, etc.