How can I get rid of unnecessary comparisons made by my parents?
Q: I am a 20-year-old student of engineering. Upto 10th standard, I was very good in academics and was always among the top 3 in my class. After that, my academic performance fell gradually and in 12th standard I got only 76%. I couldn't get a seat in any college and so my dad had to get me a paid seat. Now I am in 3rd year, where I am one of the worst students in my class in terms of academics. I also have plenty of arrears. I didn't do well in my semester exams either. I also have a problem of forgetting things easily. I forget phone calls that were made to my house or papers that were given to me by my dad's office staff. I am scolded very badly by my parents because I am not good in academics and I don't remember things. During my engineering and also in high school, unnecessary comparisons were made by my parents, which irritated me and this continues till today. In turn, I shout and yell at my parents who don't understand my feelings. I have spoken to them gently also but they still don't understand. All they say is that I am giving a stupid excuse. They say that they are unable to meet any friends or relatives a who keep enquiring about my performance. When this happens, they come back home and speak to me harshly. At one point of time I really wanted to commit suicide but didn't have the guts to do so. What is happening to me and how can I improve my memory? I have stopped going out to social gatherings as I am made to feel inferior. I don't talk to my mother properly and I keep yelling at her. She gives me unnecessary advice and shouts for nothing. For me life is miserable and I am unable to enjoy whatever I do. I am also overweight and I weigh 91 kg. Please tell me what should I do? I fell in love with my classmate but couldn't impress her. I think she knows about my love and that is the reason she looks at me with anger. I love her truly and deeply, which keeps bothering her. Can any exercise, yoga asana, food or medicine improve my memory power?
A:The issue here is not just about memory or academic performance. I feel that overall things have been bothering you, family dynamics, academic performance, and peer relationships. You have also mentioned your concerns related to your weight, and the fact that your self esteem is been affected by the life factors. What I feel needs to be done here is that you should talk to a psychiatrist in your city, take personal sessions and guidance and resolve all the mentioned concerns and issues. Medications would be useful as well, if there are signs of depressive thoughts. Relaxation and yoga are good life skills and are beneficial, but what is needed is to act on the triggers of concern and resolve them. You should redefine your style of functioning and work harder towards solving matters and talk to people, family and friends, and take the right guidance from an expert.