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How can I get rid of my fear of sex?

Q: I am a 24 year girl who is going to get married soon. My best friend proposed to me and we have decided to get married with our parents permission. But I am afraid about intercourse. Also, I have hated men as such and their thoughts about sex. He is my best friend and also promised me that he will not trouble me in any way. But I am afraid that things might change after marriage. Please advise.

A:The fact that you hate men, except for your fiance, and that you hate and are afraid of sex raises an important question: Why do you hate men? Why do you fear and hate love making, which is necessary to complete a marriage, and is certainly necessary if you want children? Until you have talked to a counsellor about these questions and answered them, to yourself and to your counsellor, you are not ready to marry. Many people who have fears and hatreds like yours have been sexually abused by a man, have never told anyone, have never resolved the hurt and fear they feel, and it limits their joy in life. Of course, I do not know if this might have happened to you. I suggest that you delay marrying until you have found a counsellor or psychotherapist you trust, tell about these hatreds and fears, and explore where they came from. After that you will be ready to marry this man you love.


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