How can I get out from mental agony?
Q: I am 23 years old male. At present, I am pursuing my final month in aircraft maintenance engineering. I desperately need medical attention failing which my career will be lost forever. My childhood was a nightmare. I am victim of domestic violence and born in an overprotective family. This all has left deep scars in my mind, which have made me a looser in life. I have witnessed many breathtaking moments in life and never was I able to do what I prefer. I am a deep thinker and always think negative about future because whenever I lift my spirits something happens which ruins my spirits. My studies are very tough, which requires deep knowledge. Next week I have an exam which is toughest of our profession and I am so depressed because of the domestic violence in my family and I hardly retain anything which I have studied two days back. This is my second attempt and if I don’t clear it this time I will be in deep trouble. My family’s attitude forced me to look for emotional support outside home due to which I came in contact with a girl. It has been nine years since we know each other. She is my emotional support ever since but now her parents are in a hurry to meet me and finalise our marriage. But I don’t have a job and I am mentally occupied. She is also very worried about me. I had strong affinity for airplanes since childhood and still have but interest in study seems to be lost. I always want to live in comfort zone. I want mental stability and assistance. I am a practical person and know if I don’t study the conditions would go worse but I am living in a state of confusion, fear, anxiety and depression. I want to give a good tomorrow to me and my beloved but I need a big change now in my surroundings. I really want to become composed like my fellow trainees at college but how? I really want to live and let live. Please help me out!
A:I can see that you are very distressed and disturbed. You are going through major stressors - the stress of clearing the exams, the stress of impending marriage, the stress of becoming independent, the stress of a career. These stressors have led you to become intensely anxious and thus you are not able to focus on the studies - which leads to decreased retention of information - which leads to further anxiety - which leads to irritability, anxiety, fear - which further leads to negative thinking - which keeps on going, so on and so forth. For passing the exams you need to be focusing on the here and now rather than what happened in the past or what the future is going to be. The trick is to focus on relaxing, speaking out to one of your friends, and study while distracting yourself from all the negative thinking. The more you relax - the more you will be able to focus - the more you will be able to study and the more you will be able to retain - which increases the likelihood of your passing - which would increase the likelihood of getting independent sooner than later and which would set in a positive process. It would be advisable to ventilate to a friend or visit a psychologist; if nothing helps visit a psychiatrist.