How can I bring my marriage back on track?
Q: I am 26 years old and have been married for almost five years now. Ours was an arranged marriage. We love and care for each other very much, but I feel very unhappy at times since after marriage my aspirations have taken a backseat. I couldn't get into a steady job, as we had to move from one city to another for my husband's job. We do not have children. Even though I would love to have a family, he never asked me or showed any interest. Whenever I ask him, he says that he wants children, but doesn't show much interest. Moreover, our sex life is horrible, practically nil. Somehow I am not able to do it, and he never asked me why I can't. Why doesn't he want to talk to me about it? When I try to talk to him about it, he goes away. Now I am in a situation that I don't want to have sex with him. But I care for him, and do everything for him. Now I want to focus more on my career as I always feel low without personal success. I want to meet someone who loves me as a wife and as a woman. Am I reasonable?
A:We can love and care for someone yet feel dissatisfied, and this is exactly what seems to be happening with you. And because this is a conflicting situation, you perhaps feel more stressed and discontent. From whatever you have mentioned here, it seems that there is a communication gap between you two. Even if any communication is happening, it is happening at a superficial level where the key issues, the core feelings are not being addressed. Such a scenario is bound to affect the strength of any relationship and only create further distance between partners. Thus, the essential thing for you two is to directly address your problems and not skirt them. Marital counseling is an option that I would recommend, if you think that your efforts have not paid off till now.