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Why am I unable to achieve an orgasm?

Q: I have not had an orgasm till now and am unable to get it. Even masturbation does not help and nothing happens during intercourse. I do have them in my dreams while sleeping and remember when I wake up. I also have them when I have an urgency in passing stools as occurs when somebody is using the wash room and I have to wait for 2-5 minutes. This happens only sometimes, maybe once in 2-3 months. I need help in this matter.

A:Orgasm is a complicated thing and a combination of psychological, physical and physiological responses. It is very difficult to tell on mail what could be the cause in your case. Have you never had an orgasm? or is it after your last delivery? In case it is following a delivery, it should be temporary. Both sexual desire and function is reduced for about a year after delivery. It is something social biologists believe is nature's way of ensuring spacing between deliveries. It is also important to know whether the desire (libido) and excitation is normal. You seem to be a healthy woman and have no significant stress and have enough sleep (which is surprising considering you have such a small baby). Anyway, once we have identified your problem as normal desire and excitation but anorgasmia (inability to achieve an orgasm) I guess the best way is for you to read or discuss with your doctor and understand the whole sexual response. In most cases orgasm can be induced once you understand the physical stimulation points involved in sexual response and the triggers of an orgasm i.e. the clitoris and the G spot, the sensitive point about 2 inches inside the vagina in the front side behind the urinary passage which triggers orgasm. You may have heard it mentioned in articles on the subject in books or in media reports. You will have to stimulate these points by masturbation or your partner will have to learn to stimulate these. Also during intercourse, try alternative positions like woman on top or sitting which ever you find most stimulating and pleasurable for you. Initially it may be best to learn to stimulate these points (the clitoris and especially the G spot) by physical stimulation during masturbation, as it may take a few months till you get the same kind of stimulation from your partner. Once you start getting an orgasm while masturbating you will be able to have it during real sex as well. But if your problem is only temporary after childbirth then just wait and it should soon sort itself . And meanwhile, while your sexual activity returns try other mutually pleasurable sexual activities like like talking bath/shower together and giving each other body messages where you stimulate each other rather than trying penetrative sex. Every time you fail to get an orgasm you will feel more and more frustrated and this would reflect in your next attempt at sex. Each experience should be pleasurable and satisfying or it would only make things worse. It is interesting that you should mention your occasional orgasms while holding to go to toilet. This shows how physical factors (like a pressure in the pelvis when you need to go to the toilrt) can cause an orgasm. So please try and cause physical stimulation and see if it helps you.

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