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My wife's back in touch with her ex boyfriend, what should I do?

Q: I have been married for 8 years and have 2 sons aged 3.4 years and 1 year. Ours was a love marriage. Prior to our marriage, my wife had an affair for 5 years, but things didn't work out due to opposition from her parents and the guy himself. He wanted more time to prove himself and wanted her to get married to someone else. They were involved physically as well. My wife told me all about this before our wedding. Now her boyfriend is in the US, he has done his MBA and is working for a good company. Last year he called up on my wife's birthday. She spoke to him for more than an hour and exchanged telephone numbers and mail ids. Later when she told me about this, I became upset and she regretted it. But life continued. This year, he again sent wishes by email on her birthday. Since then she has been interacting with her boyfriend by calls and mails. From her mails, it seems that she has not forgotten her past. She remembers minute details like his bike numbers, members of his family etc. I get upset and feel betrayed. I have handled things independently in my life, but I am unable to handle this situation. The moment I decide to implement my decisions, my BP shoots up and I end up feeling angry about everything. Do I need to confront her or should I leave it the way it is? I feel that I am being used? Please advise.

A:What you experience is a natural emotion of jealousy and insecurity. Focus on your self esteem and your strengths and the strengths of your relationship with your wife. You need to calmly explain your feelings and tell her to put herself in your shoes. Do talk to her about the situation. She will need to resolve her feelings. But she may not be able to and should not be expected to repress her memories since it involves five years of her life, so give it time. But an important fact is that she also spent that much time with you and hopefully has a stronger relationship. Focus on strengthening your relationship with her. You could both also consider marriage counselling which will help you both deal with this situation better.


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