How should I deal with my adopted son?
Q: I had adopted a boy when he was only few days old. Now he is 19 years old and he usually says that as I am an adopted child..you are not fulfilling my wishes and not taking care of me..you only love your daughters. But this is not true and I have taken care of him more than my daughters and tried to fulfill all his needs. Sometimes his needs were out of my budget and even then I have fulfilled them as he never wants to listen NO. If I ever say no for any thing he will create such a scene in front of others that even in unacceptable situations I have to fulfill his wishes and he will give only one thing that as I am not your own child you are not fulfilling my wishes. Or if you can’t fulfill my wishes then why the hell you adopted me? Now as he has grown up he is telling that I am going to leave this home and if you need then adopt any other grown up child. I am not going to live with you people and serve you in future. He is not very good in studies and has a girlfriend. If I ask him to leave all these affairs and concentrate on your studies, he never likes it. I don't know how to make him understand that his future is going to get disturbed with all these silly things. He is saying that I will live with that girl and dont interfere in my life. He is studying and if he will leave then his studies will be affected. We we are only telling him to study and bring some good habits in him like cleaning your room, keeping shoes or other things at proper place. But I am not able to make him understand. Please suggest me what to do and how to make him understand that I dont want anything from him.
A:The lack of understanding has been cumulating over the years, it appears. It is difficult to expect a great change now. I think he has got out of you whatever he wanted saying that he was adopted. It is now not possible to do things differently. His girl friends family may also not be too keen to have a school dropout as her partner. Be cool when you discuss these matters and let him decide what he wants to do. If you are more flexible, he may realize that you have always been concerned for his wellbeing. Be available for him, but stop treating him as a child.