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Why does my daughter not listen and act so stubborn?

Q: My daughter is 7 years old. The problem is that she doesn't listen to me at all. I just gave birth to a son a month back. I make it a point to participate with her in activities, so that I can spend enough time with her and she doesn't feel left out. I volunteer to take her and her friends on every trip. I started home schooling this year and at the end of every week I plan out something special for just the 2 of us. Whenever I ask her not to do something, she does it anyway. She just does it because I asked her not to do so. I lay down the rules and she follows them when I am yelling or threatening, but if it comes up again she does what she's told not to. I am in a relationship for the past 3 years, she also likes him. He lives with us, and she constantly asks me that why don't we get married. I think one of the reasons is this. It drives me crazy as well as him. My boyfriend also points out that she doesn't listen. He keeps pointing out stuff to me all day, which gets on my nerves. He thinks I should discipline her for long periods of time. But I don't want her to think I am putting anyone over her. I can't send her to her room alone with no TV, where she can't play, while me my boyfriend and my baby are in the living room. She hardly listens to anyone. I get angry everyday, due to this problem. I have sat her down at the park and tried to talk this over with her. I have told her that I don't want to be mean, I just want her to listen so things will be easier. But nothing works. I do spank her and I also use time out. Please advise.

A:Your letter ended abruptly. You have left the major complaint unstated. Making a guess, I would imagine that the arrival of the new baby makes your daughter feel a little insecure. All children go through this at the birth of a brother or sister. Give her a few tasks that she can do, but don't make her feel loaded with responsibility. Perhaps you would wish to complete the letter to me or write a fresh one. That is your choice. Do not hesitate to ask. You have referred to your yelling or threatening. In my view, when you lose your cool you cease to be effective. All children recognize this. You might wish to discipline your daughter, when you are not angry and when you can get her to listen to reason. Above all express your affection to her.

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