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Why are newly married men anxious about sex?

Q: I am a 27 years old man who got married just 2 months back. Before marriage I had a fear in my mind regarding sexual intercourse, whether or not I will be able to do it? Then I met with a sexologist and he gave me some medicine for sex for the first time. I took that for 15 days and felt quite confident of performing but as I went in for sex with my wife for the first time, she felt a lot of pain and this kept happening for around 15 days after marriage. After that I tried to penetrate slowly and had approx. half penetration but I reverted back due to her pain. When I tried yet again, I had premature ejaculation after which I started losing erections just at the time of penetration. I relaxed for some time and consulted a urologist who directed me to take Arcalion for 30 days. I used spray also to hold myself for long and then I had full intercourse but only once. Now, I faced the same erection problem 3 days back and yesterday when I tried, I did get an erection but couldn't perform because of premature ejaculation. I hope I have explained everything. Please guide me since I have been very worried about it. My main problem is ejaculating too soon. Please help me.

A:You seem to be experiencing 'Psychogenic Erectile dysfunction' due to 'Performance Anxiety'. This is purely a psychological phenomenon. There seems to be nothing wrong with you physically/organically or hormonally. Not being able to achieve or sustain erection due to performance pressure is common at this stage of your married life. This pressure is invariably self imposed or self created due to unrealistic expectations from oneself. Remember - To be not able to achieve or sustain erection every time you wish or try is a common occurrence in all normal men, at all times. Your second problem is 'Premature Ejaculation'. Premature ejaculation too is very common in newly married men. There are no medical causes for premature ejaculation. It is essentially of a psycho-behavioural and relational origin. Modern medicine does not offer any drug treatment for this problem. Ejaculating early is a learned reflex response that can be effectively re-conditioned when a man and a woman actively pursue learning ejaculation control together. You need to increase your awareness of the sensations of arousal building so that you can identify the level of your arousal. Secondly, awareness of sensations of arousal and ejaculatory control can be learned by a following a step-by-step process. We teach couples the use of the squeeze technique or the stop-start technique. Besides techniques, certain ‘exercises for sphincter control’ and ‘use of condom’ may help in some cases. Certain Flower remedies have also been found effective with some couples.

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