How to deal with a laziness and arrogance in children?
Q: I have two daughters (9 years and 3 years old). The problem is with my elder daughter. She is very good in studies, always amongst the top 3 ranks in her class, but she is too lazy and arrogant at home. For outside world she is ideal and appreciated by all for her activities and competitions at school i.e. debate, drawing, sports, dance, etc. But she doesn't listen anything at home. We also appreciate her for any achievement. She has lack on concentration while studying at home. We sometimes beat her, but without any improvement. She has wavering mind, while doing homework or at time of lunch or dinner thinking of TV serials or other incidents that affect her activity at home. We tried to spend more time with her, but it adversely affects her performance. We also try to explore her interests. It is difficult to understand her. she has a wavering mind and while doing one work, she will be simultaneously thinking of something else. This affects the work that she is actually performing at that time. I would request you to explain to us how to improve her concentration in studies.
A:The problem seems to be not with your daughter, but with your perceptions, expectations and ways of dealing with her! Since her performance is ideal at school, and it is only at home that you find problem behaviour, you must introspect and then change your own attitudes. Reduce your expectations from her. Remember that she is only 9 years old and is bound to be distracted by TV programs and games. Model respectful and kind behaviour yourself as beating or scolding her would only produce resentment and rudeness. Try not to make comparisons between the two girls or show any kind of partiality as that may also be a cause of her tantrums.