How can I help my son feel secure?
Q: My 5 years old son has a very strange behaviour when his friends or his age group children come home. He never wants them to go back and expects that they should stay with him for playing. When they are leaving he cries very badly and shows all kinds of tantrums. He even beats us if we try to make him understand. He feels very insecure. He can do anything to keep his friends company go on. He lies at times when there is a mischief and takes the entire fault on his head just to save his pal being punished. Because of this his little friends take advantage of him and threaten him that they will leave his company if he does not listen to them or share a toy with them. In a group game all his friends play but he only enjoys watching as he fears that if he takes over they may leave. This kind of behaviour is there for many days. Please suggest.
A:All people need the company of others. It is possible that human beings are different in how important social contact is for them. Your 5-year-old seems to want to have friends around him -- that is certainly not a problem. You feel that he should not be too dependent on his friends. Why don't you just leave it to him to find his level of comfort? There are no formulas for any of this. You can gradually tell him that when friends come to play, they will also leave. But do this in a light way, not as if he has some terrible problem! Make him feel secure at home and with you. He will outgrow his problems. I have seen shy children becoming talkative with some school experience. In any case, everyone is born with certain dispositions. We should, as parents, be sensitive to them and support them rather than mould our children into perfect children.