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How can I deal with my baseless thoughts?

Q: I have a great marriage, married to my soul mate that I am completely happy with, but after 20 years of marriage I am recently going through a phase where I have become angry and jealous about my wife’s past. She was 33 years old with 2 previous marriages before we wed. She is now 56 and I am 48. Our marriage is not in jeopardy. These thoughts keep popping in my mind. It is silly and destructive, I realise, to brood, and I have resolved much in my head about the issue. But I still do think about it daily and am wondering why it bothers me. I am basically looking for a coping mechanism - a way to regard it without anguish - to nullify it as an issue for me. Please help.

A:I can imagine what you are going through right now and you seem to be rather perplexed with why you are going through it, considering that you say you have a great marriage. You may like to take a moment to see whether this is stemming from any insecurity that might have cropped up in your recent past. Is the anger and jealousy stemming from her or is it directed towards you? Could it be that you have some unfulfilled wishes you might have had, whether with your wife or with some other issue in your life? You might be going through what Id rather call a mid life stage (not a crisis) where one re-evaluates their bearings, their past, capabilities, wonders what lies ahead and how one is going to handle it. There is a time when a number of people pause to think of life and what it has meant. It really might help if instead of looking for just a coping mechanism, going through some form of talk therapy to understand where these feelings are coming from so as to handle them from the core rather than the surface.


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