Q: My 8 years old son is not performing well in his studies this year. He has been a bright student and has performed well last year. He is extremely slow in his work like all his classwork is incomplete and the teachers have formed an impression that he is slow in everything. His learning skills have taken a backseat and cannot concentrate even when I teach him at home. I am a patient of pancreatitis and have terrible pain occasionally due to which I have become short tempered. I want instant results when I am teaching him and if that does not happen I shout and abuse him and even resort to hitting him. I know this is wrong but I am unable to control myself. I do feel sorry later on but it is useless after the deed has been done. I realise many kids are like him at his age. But feeling guilty later on does not really help as next time I follow the same pattern of abusing and hitting. How can I control my anger and make my son to do his things fast?

A:I think that in your present state of health, you should not be trying to help with your son's lessons. It seems to be bad for you and it cannot be easy for your child to see you lose your cool every now and then. When you feel your pain coming on, just stop whatever you are doing and take some rest in a quiet room. Also find out about alternative systems of treatment, which will relieve the pain. You must remember that when your son sees you in pain, he cannot be detached. It will upset him. Take a deep breath and count to 100, when you feel frustrated or angry. By that time, you will see everything in a different light. Why do we emphasise homework so much and the childs' own happiness and wellbeing so little? Some introspection will help. Also reach out to others in the family who could help you. When you are OK, your childs' problems will also disappear. It's worth trying with some patience and a reminder to yourself that parental love is important, as well as consistency in your discipline. Relax and treat child rearing as a joy and not as a duty.